PThe expulsion is an inevitable part of the human experience, but despite the suffering of the refusal and simple throughout our lives, every time there is still a painful feeling. From the first “no thanks” from someone you imagine at school to a kick in the stomach “We decided to move forward with another candidate”, every refusal that passes the ego.
Humans are serial in acceptance. “He is in our blood,” says Hilda Burke, a psychologist, adviser to the author and author. In early human societies, she explained: “The rejection of your community would pose a serious threat, because individuals did not have resources to survive alone. We are the animal pack.”
Madeleine Jago, the main clinical psychologist and co -founder of Seven Yard Lion“The brain treats rejection using the same nerve paths as physical pain, which may explain the reason for the feeling of rejection and permanent at the psychological level,” he says.
Jago explains that rejection can change our behavior, creating a negative prophecy of self -realization. “The belief that you are not worthy or that rejection in the future leads to avoiding behaviors, such as withdrawing from social situations or not following new opportunities, which enhances your concerns.”
How do we deal with Knockbacks and return there? A team of psychologists, behavior scientists and specialists participate in their advice on how to manage rejection in every field of life.
Workplace problems
With the unemployment rate all over the world He increases The vacant monastery in the United Kingdom, and the fact is that more of us apply for less jobs.
“The rejection is an inevitable part of the recruitment process,” says Luiz Campbell, director of professions at Dublin University, Michael Somorfit, postpartum studies.
Modern employment has seen automatic systems eliminating any personal humanitarian perspective, and overlooking the skills of some personal candidates. This creates an inhuman environment for the job seekers who spent hours to formulate a coverage letter, just to receive an email to reject a few minutes later. “Keep porch!” Campbell coaches. She says the key is to focus on what is in your control, especially your response. Every time you are rejected, be sure to actively separate your pride from external results. “Change:” I failed, I’m not good enough “to:” This is not a reflection of my capabilities or abilities. It is an opportunity to re -evaluate and enhance skills and find a role that is better compatible with my values.
“You have not been defined whether it was offered to a specific job,” says Campbell. “This means simply that the opportunity was not the right suitability at this time. Your value extends beyond any one result in the search for a job.” Kate Quinn consists, Master of Business Administration at the College of Business Administration at Trainte College in Dublin: “It is important to avoid the trap of attaching the ego to job opportunities.
So, it is better to avoid falling into this trap? “Building a refusal tool group”, Queen recommends, which can include gratitude by thinking about achievements in your career or your personal life. “Support this through mental activities, magazines and meditation to address difficult feelings.”
She adds that the external context is also ignored. The awareness of these factors can help reduce disappointment.
She refused to love
“When it comes to rejecting heart matters, it is common to restart the moment:” Why wasn’t I enough? Dr. Elina Torroni, a consultant psychologist and co -founder of the Chelsea Psychology Clinic, says what did you do? “Unstable feelings or separation after years of common life can be devastating.” The truth is that rejection is rarely related to the lack of adequacy of personality. People’s feelings, options and circumstances are very complex, and rejection often reflects these factors instead of you as a person. “
Allow yourself with sadness – it’s okay to feel sad and disappointed. “You tend to these feelings, but don’t let them determine you.” Touroni adds that treatment, magazines, or talking to trusted friends will help relieve pain, focus on personal development and activities that make you happy.
For those who have suffered from rejection after a long -term relationship or divorce, the journey is more difficult. Time is your ally, recovery will come through patience, self -meditation and support. Although he may feel impossible at first, life will find ways to go forward – as well as. “
Psychologist and author says that reminding yourself of you can choose how to respond to a central thing. Elweiz Skinner. “Transform your mind. Instead of seeing ourselves as a recipient of the decisions of another person, see the situation. Even if things do not succeed, how can you take new options? How do you want to behave differently in the future?” He focuses on your values, and Skinner add Introduction. ” Over time, life disintegrates again and will make a greater feeling and identity.
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Are children well?
Our internal critic begins to develop in about 10 years, according to UK confidence index, collected by Jordan University in Coventry. Building flexibility and supporting children and adolescents to manage their self -esteem is very important to help them overcome rejection. Professor Jil Steto Warren, head of Psychology in Jordan, says, avoid reducing data such as “you will overcome it.” Instead, ask children to share their ideas without fear of judgment, to help them address their feelings.
Dr. Sophie Ward, Vice President of the School of Psychology in Jordan, says that they encourage children to speak more explicitly. “Ask open questions, such as” tell me about your day? “Or” How are you? “, And do not judge or intersection. It is important to provide a safe environment for conversation. Verifying feelings of feelings for young people know that their emotions are normal, which will help their mental well -being and social development.” Ward explains that learning to speak to themselves kindly is a tool that young people can use to replace negative ideas that are not healthy with positive ideas. “Help the child to get to know when they use hostile or disaster thinking patterns or use words like” must “or” must “, and change their thinking. Instead, I lost the race. I failed,” and encouraged them to think, “maybe I lost, which is disappointing, but I can learn from it, and I try again and we hope to be better next time.”
Katia Flashos, the coach of life and author of “Katia Flashos, the coach of life and author of the book” There will be positions in which it is not permissible for the child to achieve something that others will do, but protecting them from this will not help them build flexibility. Uncommon: A good girl’s journey to re -hack. “It is natural for you to want to protect children from more harm; instead, gently pushed them to take small steps forward, such as inviting a friend or going to another experience or joining a new club. Celebrate their efforts, not only the results, and remind them:” You have not been defined by one moment. Continue – you build something stronger. “
You can also increase their confidence by reminding them that it is a natural part of life to make mistakes, and that it helps them grow. “Motivating your child to write a list of their favorite things about themselves and their achievements, to show the extent of their ability when they appreciate their self or their internal critic is very high. Encourage children to push themselves, try new things and face challenges, even if they feel fear. Every success outside their comfort zone will build their confidence.”
Social homogeneity
Shadows or exclusion can feel their invitation on a night or vacation as if it is a bitter betrayal, especially in close friendships. However, Flashos says, avoid turning into assumptions and instead communicating to express your feelings. Try to say something like: “I have noticed some distance between us. Are you something you have done?” And accept the result, adds vlaachos. “Even if the silence is the response. If your friend reassures you that nothing is wrong but then continues to repeat the same style, it may be time to go forward. Sometimes, silence is your closure, and there is nothing wrong with sadness of loss while honoring what friendship means for you.”
Torone says the shame is the most common response to rejection. It can lead us to believe that there is something wrong with its nature. Shame extends in silence, but it can be disposed of when sharing. Lee Nurine, sex therapist “It is important to feel rejected,” the coach says.
When it is ghost or excluded, resist the desire to put assumptions or blame. “Instead, focus on what this reveals about the relationship through the question:” Is this the type of friendship that I need or want to invest in it? In this way, in the future, the friendships that are in line with your values are likely to attract your values. “Rejection is not the last chapter; it is an invitation to rewrite your story with more clarity and strength. As Flashos says:” Rejection becomes less than loss and more about growth, and it is a catalyst to become the smaller version of ourselves. “
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